he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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