I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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