Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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