You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
