i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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