Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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