Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
