I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
