Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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