Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
