I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
