I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
