I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize