i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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