what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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