If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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