I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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