If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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