are you still at the devil's house?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
