hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
