At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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