Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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