def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
