So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
