She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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