My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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