There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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