Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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