you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
