I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
