if you like me you must not know who I am
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize