so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
