all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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