I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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