The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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