I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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