I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize