; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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