My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
