im drinking this country out of the recession.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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