she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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