guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my being single is dangerous.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
