Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
