Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
