you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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