Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
