Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
