when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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