Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
