im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
