My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
