Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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