How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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