so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
