i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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