how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
