3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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