matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
