Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
