it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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